I am currently reading a book entitled “Everything I
Never Told You”, written by a local woman actually, Celeste Ng (who ALSO went
to the University of Michigan thank you very much), and it has really hit a
nerve and shed light on one of my greatest fears, not just as a person, but
also as a parent.
As a result of turning my mind toward that fear, the
book has also left me feeling an incredible debt toward a group of people that
I’m not sure all of us consider often enough.
Last night, as I sat at this same computer, I
witnessed two things that brought my thoughts about the book screaming to the
front of my mind. It was then that I felt a warm feeling of relief and
gratitude that might have even led to a tear if seconds later Pedro Alvarez
hadn’t struck out AGAIN with a runner in scoring position.
My fourteen year old son Andrew sat at the TV
playing a game on XBOX. (Yes! The
dreaded video game system that is destroying our children and the country!! – lighten up.) These days, though, you don’t just play a
game alone. With headphones on he is not
just playing FIFA15, he is playing WITH his friends while talking with them at
the same time. It’s almost like every
night Andrew has a conference call with this closest pals.
The sound of his laughter during those times, as
they exhort as well as throw jabs at each other, is some of the greatest music
to my ears. Also, listening to them
hammer out the answers to some of life’s greatest questions, like which is the
best flavor of Ramen noodles, is highly entertaining.
As they laughed through one such argument last nigh, my
daughter Adeline (16) then passed by on her way out the door to take part in a
monumental occurrence in the lives of her and her two friends, who she has
known since pre-school. One of the girls
recently became the first of the group to get her driver’s license and tonight
was their first trip in a car together without an adult. (Yes I was petrified). The excitement and laughter as they drove off
added to the moment and emotion I was feeling. Maybe it was my male time of the
month. As insignificant as those few minutes last night may
seem to some, I shudder at the thought of parents and children that don’t have
such experiences.
The father in “Everything I never told you” has a
great fear that his son will have the same childhood that he had. A quiet and slight boy, always alone and the
target of many a joke or prank - for the most part friendless. As he realizes
that his young son IS in fact living such a life my heart sinks as the
reader.
Some of the absolute saddest moments for me as a
high school teacher is to see the kid alone at the cafeteria table. Before my children were born my biggest fear
was that it would be he or she that sat alone on a daily basis. How could I control that? I couldn’t follow
them to school. How can I take charge of
my kid’s social life and assure his/her inclusion and happiness? How could I shield
them from bullies?
It is with all of this in mind that my heart fills
with the gratitude I previously mentioned.
I’m not sure I will ever be able to properly express this to the group
of kids that Adeline and Andrew have or have had in their lives to date. These friends who shepherd them through the
parts of life that I can not. The
sounding boards that they can bounce the shit off of that life throws at
them. These wonderful children with all
of their own problems and flaws hold a big part of my kid’s emotional well-
being in their unknowing hands.
I love all of them and think of them as my own, and
I wish they could know that in a - non creepy guy that always picks them up
from practice and makes stupid jokes – sort of way. I haven’t even mentioned the thank you I owe
to the parents of these kids.
For that matter, how sad is it that I don’t spend
enough time thanking of or even catching up with MY group of childhood and
adolescent friends. Whether we acknowledge it or not……whether we give thanks or
not….this group, if we were blessed enough to have it, was one of the most
important groups of people to ever enter our lives. I think of these people so much more than
they know. I still do and say things
that were directly from or directly influenced by them.
What a fun thing it is to watch this part of the
lives of Adeline and Andrew. Tonight as
I watch the Pirates battle the best team in baseball and drink for many other
reasons, I will also drink a toast to my friends and the friends of my children
who were or are such a large part of our life’s journey and education.
I firmly believe it still takes a community ……the
community just looks very different. The
streets where we all used to play have been replaced in part by internet cables
and wi-fi…..but they’re still there….and I thank God for the friends at the
other end.
