Steelers to Playoffs: Write it Down

I can already hear Jim Mora in my head.  “Playoffs!?!?? Playoffs!?!?!?! We’re talking about playoffs!??!”

          Yes. Yes I’m talking about playoffs.  The 2012 NFL playoffs that the Steelers WILL participate in. Write it down.  No I am not smoking my NFL schedule or drinking any version of  “the Kool-Aid”  Get down off of the railing up on Mt.Washington…no need to jump. All we be well.  Til January anyway.

          Here are the reasons you and I will be sitting in great pain in front of our televisions as the Steelers get bounced in the first round of the NFL playoffs yet again this season.  Remember last year? When Jesus beat the Steelers? Left handed? Yeah….I couldn’t forget it either.  And Lord (Tebow) knows,  I tried.

          Anyway…in no particular order, here are the reasons the Steelers WILL make the playoffs.

1.     DEFENSE.   In case you haven’t noticed, in the past month or so the Steeler defense has been incredible!!! They almost single handedly won two of the last three debacles…..No matter where the offense put them on the field they held the line and gave up the minimal amount of points…..12 quarters of pure shut down defense.

They were one Baltimore punt return and one or five turnovers and penalties in Cleveland away from taking all three.

All this WITHOUT a defensive player of the year - Troy (and yesterday without Woodley……. Worilds has been amazing filling in spots like that btw…..)

We’re not getting the turnovers but they are #1 in the NFL for a reason….and yesterday’s INT return for a TD WAS a pretty big turnover.

I think they will torture Rivers, Romo, Dalton, and Weeden to end the season. (I left out Flacco…Dealing with Rice makes it extra tough to get to him. But we did keep the Ravens in check at home last week.)

 

This defense gives you a chance to win ANY game...no matter who your QB is...

2.     SCHEDULE.   At Balt, SD, at Dallas, Cinc, Cleveland

Call me crazy but I see 4-1....3-2 at worst. (See Ben stipulation later.)

As of right now we hold the last spot in the playoff hunt…tied with Cincinnati, who we have already beaten on the road. A full game behind at least are teams like Miami…and well…….Miami.  That and  Indianapolis is holding onto #5…barely. Theyalso still have to play Houston twice.

At Balt – If you think there was panic in the ‘burgh today, imagine next week when we fall to .500 by losing again to the Ravens.  I don’t see that as a lock.  Our defense can keep us in any game, and if we can cut about 5 turnovers off of last weeks count we may have a chance….but for realism's sake I’ll call it another loss….but a message sending loss either way.  I see Cincy losing to SD next week and keeping it all even anyway.

San Diego at home.  Yes. San Diego. Here. In Pittsburgh. In December. In the words of the great Ron Burgundy, “Go fuck yourself  San Diego.”  Thanks for all the help yesterday against Baltimore. Rivers you're not even as good as Ben when he has a bum shoulder...and a vulnerable aorta....and a baby. Steelers by 14.

At Dallas.  Look, Dallas sucks this year. Did you see them on thanksgiving? Romo is a walking interception and we will pick him at least twice. He hasn't been the same since Kelly Clarkston.  They’re done and Jerry Jones will have designs on an early draft pick by then.  We are 3-0 against the NFC East this year…and Dallas isn’t much better than Philly right now. Steelers by 4 at least…..8-6 with 2 to go at home. 

Cincinnati at home. Looking at the Bengals schedule it is near identical to the Steelers except Cincinnati has to play Baltimore the last game of the season....we get Cleveland.  So either way this is THE game that will determine things most likely.  We beat them handily AT Cincy and will do so again. WITH Baltimore playing the Bengals as an insurance policy in the following week as I said, I feel pretty good.  9-6.

Cleveland at home. TimTebow willing we will have a full squad and…well….payback is a bitch Cleveland. Enjoy another end of the year beating.  Win. Easy. Steelers 10-6……9-7 at worst and IN the playoffs.

 

3.     BEN. Of course all the above is predicated on Ben returning at SOME point.  If he does…and he always does….The Steelers will always have a chance to win any game, anywhere, against any opponent with #7…..without this injury I think he walks away with League MVP and may STILL.  Whatever you think of him as a person “before baby”, he is the man. Period.  With him the last two weeks we’re not even having this conversation and are talking division and playoff home game.

4.     Injuries.  Or HEALING injuries I should say. It has to even out...right?

     As mentioned above if Ben heals all is well.  Antonio Brown? Nuf said…..What if Troy returns rested?? Gilbert? Colon? Woodley? A healthy NON fumbling Mendenhall? Adams?  (Remember the season starting off by losing our first round pick Decastro for the season?)

     Cmon folks….if this team was complete (sounds like the Penguins!) then I see no problems.

          So there are my reasons.  I still feel confident and want to shoot about 2 out of  every three callers on Sports Talk shows….idiots.  Some guy today was saying we should have gotten Shanahan instead of Tomlin 4 yrs ago and we'd have MORE rings...…..Wow….

          Now all of this said, I think these past 3 weeks, and losses to Oakland and Tennesseed earlier (really?) HAVE cost us dearly.  Specifically I think these losses have kept us out of talk of a Super Bowl.  Going on the road to Denver, New England, and Houston (a likely playoff scenario),  and coming out on the other end is a tall tall task….even for #7 and a healthy defense.  But hey….after all that has happened this month I’m looking forward to it.  I’ll threaten to jump off a bridge and fight people as usual….but I’ll climb back down and get ready for the Pirates like I do every year…..

          But until then Mr. Mora……YES I am talking about the playoffs.  Bookmark this page….(the new “Write it down” phrase)……Steelers at Denver for a rematch in round one in January…..and with no Tebow….and revenge of last year and week 1 in mind…..look out Mr. Manning. You may be rehearsing with that asshole from PaPa Johns for Super Bowl commercials earlier than you think.

           Enjoy the ride Pittsburgh.  Those of you who haven't jumped.

 

      

Black Gold and Unphiltered: Giving Thanks for Bubbles

Black Gold and Unphiltered: Giving Thanks for Bubbles: I guess this could have been “Thanks V” or the fifth annual list of stupid (and some serious) stuff that I’m thankful for…..but as I rea...

Giving Thanks for Bubbles

I guess this could have been “Thanks V” or the fifth annual list of stupid (and some serious) stuff that I’m thankful for…..but as I read back on the last four, I see they’re pretty much repeats.

“Ya Phil, we get it. You’re thankful for Bruce, Sidney Crosby, Jameson’s, Andrew McCutchen, Ben, sex….blah blah blah………”

So I guess I’ll spare anyone reading this year and I’ll go with this:

I am thankful for the bubble.

I am thankful that my wonderful parents, especially my mom, who stayed home to raise us, kept us in our little Macioce – Penn Hills – Jesus and your parents love you – bubble, as long as possible. It was like living on the INSIDE of a snow globe, with all of the crap and reality on the outside.

Sooner or later I learned there was life outside my house and outside Penn Hills.  I learned that Protestants were NOT weird, there were normal kids that went to Gateway and Plum schools, and that The Beatles and Barry Manilow weren’t the only music out there, and that this Bruce Springsteen in the jeans and red baseball cap in his back pocket was pretty damn good too.

Of course along with popping that bubble came reality.  There were kids that (gasp) smoked and talked back to adults, and people that weren’t that nice.  Some didn’t even believe in God, or even worse – like the Pittsburgh Steelers!!!! And pretty girls could cause a shit load of pain.

I enjoyed thanksgivings during the years I was in the bubble. The food, smells, and warmth of my house were just a given.  I made construction paper turkeys and pilgrims and my mom put them up and thought they were the greatest pieces of art she’d ever seen. Mine were better than my brothers’ but my mom would lie to make them feel better J

Thanksgiving was about Pilgrims and Indians having a great meal together on some Plymouth rock,  and later about some kids somehow having a dinner of toast, popcorn, and jelly beans without their parents, and their dog duking it out with a lawn chair while setting up the feast.

The Detroit Lions lost to someone at 12:30 and the Dallas Cowboys beat someone at 4:00.  We ate too much and fell asleep. Thirty days til Christmas. Game over.

******

Today, in 2012, I miss my mom.  I miss her food.  I miss her decorations.  I miss her love. I miss her bubble.  I see one of my two brothers maybe once a year because of a stupid family misunderstanding.  No Macioce lives at 2708 Ford Avenue, or even in Penn Hills anymore. 

Today, I know that shortly after our feast with the Indians we wiped their race off the continent and took it for our own…..and that ironically I’m also thankful for the American bubble that resulted when we formed this country as a result. I feel strange being thankful when such awful things on the other sides of the oceans that surround that country happen on a daily basis. 

I feel strange being thankful when some people who are dear to me are having such a hard year of losing loved ones, and some going through such hard times, and never seeming to get a break. 

But I’m thankful for the strength and courage they show, their example, and that they have the time to show me love despite what they are going through.  I’m also thankful for the bubble they must have lived in at some point, and that maybe the memories of their bubbles help them through….

 Sorry for the depressing nature of my “thankful” post this year.  It’s sort of where I am today.  But as I write this, I look across the room at the coolest eleven year old kid I’ve ever met playing video games, and upstairs sleeps a girl that is more wonderful than I ever thought a daughter could be. 

I hope I kept their bubble in existence as long as possible.  I know teen and pre-teen realities are in their face now and they learn more of the world every day, but I hope there comes a day on a thanksgiving in their future that they can remember our bubble we created, and they can smile as they try to build their own.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m still thankful for Elf, Candy Corn, beer, sex in green jello (and whoever actually does that), and all kinds of things that are far from serious.

I just wanted to acknowledge all the bubbles out there that we create, not only for our families, but for each other.  So many of you are a bubble for me.  When I’m in your houses I feel at home.  When I laugh with you – in person or on line – I forget reality and that is a brief bubble too.  Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

I’m thankful for my work bubble, my facebook bubble, my music bubble (especially the Bruce bubble…..the concert last month was sexual.), and so thankful for my friend bubble………well except my REALLY conservative friends….(kidding!).

Anything that counts as taking my mind off of the pain of others is a bubble and that is what I celebrate today.  It would be a little more fun if Big Ben were playing and there was #%#@$R%#$ ng hockey to watch but maybe that’s nit picking.

Anyway, Happy Thanksgiving to everyone.  I hope you’re warm and safe with loved ones and in a bubble of some sort…..and far from any sharp objects!!!!

I’m going to go eat an entire pumpkin pie in one sitting while watching Elf.

Why I Don't Run

Those who haven’t defriended me during the last presidential campaign and were bored enough to click on this link were probably expecting an answer to the question “Why I don’t RUN for president?”

I could put the answer to that on Twitter in 150 characters or less: Because I have common sense and actually care about other people. (and it would probably kill me.)

No.  I am referring to the topic of running in general.  You know, the act humans have been engaged in since they started running after their dinner or running from BEING dinner.  Well, today people run ON PURPOSE and that is something I will never understand. I am going to rear end the next car that has one of those annoying magnetic ovals on the back that has a “13.1” on it, or a “26.2”……except one of MY cars has one so maybe not….but the next person I see with a bumper sticker that says, “I’d rather be running” is going to get their wish after I total their car.

However, this morning I was feeling particularly worthless and fat after mourning the bankruptcy of Hostess with half a box of Ho Hos last night……so I finally caved when my wife asked me for the hundredth time to start running. Before even leaving the house she was planning my run of a half marathon next year…..(Eileen runs religiously and has been in several 5Ks and half marathons. Thus, my “13.1” sticker.)

“You’ll feel so good.”

“You can listen to your music.”

“It’s so beautiful out. You can enjoy the scenery.”

“Get some thinking done.”

As we pulled up to the trail of a local park, I could have mentioned that  I could do all of those things from the front seat of the car but there I was, headphones in, and ready to run.

I should have known SEVEN STEPS into the run when the battery of my MP3 player went dead that it was the first of several laughs that would be had at my expense by the running gods.

The second F.U.  came about 38 seconds later when the humiliation I knew was coming hit me pretty quickly. I was tired.  At first I thought maybe it was the “runners high” everyone talks about but I soon realized I was just feeling like passing out.

“You go on ahead,” I said, “I’ll meet you at the car.” My legs were heavy and I already had a cramp.

OK. It was longer than 38 seconds but a blow to my male ego nonetheless. I mean she could have told me there were HILLS on this trail.

So I ran……I DIDN’T feel good.  I COULDN’T listen to my music. I didn’t CARE if it was beautiful out. I was staring at the trail and trying not to get lost or run off of a small cliff….and I DIDN’T get any thinking done!!! How do you think when you’re just concentrating on drawing one more breath so you don’t die??

Soon I think my heart made two fists and was pounding on my chest like it was a door and I swear I actually heard it shouting, “Let me the fuck out of here!!!!”  Sorry for the inappropriate language, but hearts aren’t aware of that kind of thing and I’m quoting it of course.  My lungs would have joined in but…well…..they were out of breath…..

Listen, I just don’t understand. I get wanting to be in shape. I get the commitment and will power to better yourself.  But you people who “love” it and treat it like a religion, or therapy, or a daily party with your body??......You’re sick, sick individuals…and I honestly think you’re all lying.

I hated every single person that ran by my with an “isn’t this great?” piece of shit smile on their face.  The two guys who ran by in their matching spandex outfits, glasses, and smiles were lucky I wasn’t near death or I would have hip checked both of them into the abyss to my left (their right)…..freaks.

And who places benches on the trail?? “Phiiiiiiilllll…..come sit on me. It’ll feel sooooo good. You can stop running. That’s why I’m here….to save you Phil……beautiful women often sit here Phil…and a waitress will stop by with sandwiches…and beer Phil………..”  Ya..that’s right. I heard it. I don’t care if you believe me.  

With all the fall colors and shadows and dogs barking in the distance I felt like I was running through a haunted house.  I looked behind me once and I know I saw the dude from Twilight chasing me with fangs out and ready to go…….

YES the trail is beautiful in November. I often looked around and thought, “this would be a perfect place to collapse and die and my body can decompose with all of these beautiful leaves.  I can be a part of the nearest tree next year and silently laugh at all the idiots like myself who run by thinking they’ll ever be back to do it again…..

You see, that is the real reason I never run in all honesty.  I KNOW for a FACT that I am an unmotivated lazy piece of shit and will NEVER continue this insanity long enough to make a difference.  I know that is lame but I look at it as saving myself even more disappointment and self-loathing, right?

So walking, YES walking back to the car while Eileen finished her hour long run, I decided I was going to go home, sit in my back yard with the rest of my box of Ho-Hos, enjoy the falling leaves, listen to some music, and get some thinking done.

…and later I would buy a blank magnetic oval, scrawl a “1.4” on it and put it on the back of my car.  F….. you running gods. I rather run for president.