Ok….I need to rant.
I’m in one of those moods where I’m 2 minutes from becoming that guy in
the movie Falling Down with the broken glasses and a baseball bat….and this
will take too long for a facebook post. Yes it’s that bad.
So today’s edition of things that make me want to
punt a kitten?.... Rebates.
I hope the guy who invented this idea is being
slowly tortured in hell while he waits for the rebate on his after-life to
process in some run down, south western Idaho, office building where the
employees are paid $6.24 an hour with no benefits or vacation.
What IS the point of the rebate anyway? Are
businesses just “banking” on the one out of seven customers that are
disorganized boobs or too lazy to follow through? How is this even legal?
“Well sir….yes your contacts are in fact $425 for a
two month supply…but that’s before the rebate! I have the forms for you right
here. It’s such a great deal!”
To steal a line from the legendary movie Spinal Tap…….Lick
My Love Pump. Just give me my money.
Who comes up with the directions on these forms? Are
they laughing in some board room writing them on a white board while they
partake of the morning donuts and coffee?
“Oh wait…wait..add this Joe….Have them mail the receipts
in triplicate along with a bar code from the product and 3 box tops from
Kellogs cereal and a drug free sample of their urine!....no wait! A FAMILY
member’s urine!!....”
And why are there expiration dates???? If I complete
the nine step obstacle course to qualify for my discount then time should NOT
matter! Money is money. A rebate is a rebate. I don’t care if I missed the
deadline and it’s no longer the Chinese Year of the Cock. Show. Me. The. Money.
And you know what??? Make it ACTUAL MONEY!! You don’t
even get cash or a check anymore! It’s a #$%#$$T$%W#Q#$ng DEBIT card!! I have
at least 3 piece of crap cards in my wallet that still have $1.27 or something
left on them. Getting exactly your money’s
worth without spending even MORE than you wanted on your damn
contacts/applicance/whatever is impossible. This isn’t good business. This isn’t
high functioning Capitalism….this is vindictive enteprenureal (?) bull shit and
I’m not going to stand for it anymore.
There has to be a way to get these people back. I would love to end up teaching the child of
one of the people that have stuck me with a big fiscal FU masked as a rebate.
“Well Mr. Blow…..Joe jr. DID earn a 94% this marking
period. All you have to do is follow the directions on that Math Grade Rebate
form I sent home and the final 25% of his grade goes in the books!! Isn’t that
great?? Have a nice day!” Click.
Please. Explain the difference between that and the
hundreds of dollars sitting in discount purgatory that I have pissed away
because I AM that boob who is too disorganized to get to the forms buried in
the basket on my dining room table with all the unpaid bills, old school
pictures, and take out menus…..(a basket which also may cause a divorce one
day).
I got your rebate right here Mr. Your Family Eye
Doctor….and no I don’t want to buy a back-up pair of eye glasses as a matter of
fact. If something goes wrong with my $500 contacts I’ll just sit right here in
the dark and wait for my Visa debit card to arrive thank you very much. Then I’m
going to buy a dozen eggs with it and trash that stupid sign in your parking
lot.
There. I feel better. Thanks for reading.
(Disclaimer: No kittens were harmed during this blog
entry. I love kittens…..until they become cats…..and then we have the subject
of a future rant……the cycle continues.)
I need help.
